Most of the Time
by kat3.alwaysxox
Summary: So she just grins and bears.


Note at the bottom…

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They didn't notice her, most of the time.

Most of the time, they just rolled their eyes. Sometimes they would whisper behind her back just out of earshot, things they really-but-not-so-true-fully didn't want her to hear. She was known as 'crazy' or 'impulsive' or 'heartless', if she was known as anything. Most of the time she was made a running joke. She was the background, so others got the attention or stole her well deserved spotlight, or possibly she would slip up on her anger or better-judgment and get framed for something that she really didn't mean to do to begin with.

But most of the time she didn't let it get to her, or she didn't show it got to her anyway. She would just smile a washed out smile, that wasn't quiet as bright as Mitchie's or enchanting as Tess's. Her eyes would show tiny bits of sorrow, or possibly a tired glint, but never a tear. She refused to cry. That was the price she paid for choosing to live her life the way she did, and she quietly accepted it.

_That's just the way things work_

Most of the time, she would prefer to sit alone if she could. Then she wouldn't have to bit her lip until it bled, or dig her nails into her fist until it hurt a practically unbearable pain (even though most of the time she enjoyed it). Sometimes, she would lie down and stare at the clouds that pass in the sky, wishing she could lay there forever instead of having to go back home, or even back to her cabin. She would just sing to herself and watch the world spin around her, always coming to the same conclusion, to the point where she never really even thought about it anymore: she never really liked reality. When she was five, she thought reality existed around castles and prince charmings, and that she was a princess. Her daddy called her a princess. Her mommy read stories about prince charming every night. But then her daddy left, taking her title with her. And her mommy contradicted herself by saying there was no such thing as prince charming. And eventually, she figured out for herself that castles only ceased as landmarks, or hotels. But all the same, she still liked this fantasy world. After all, there are villains and dragons, why can't there be princes and princesses?

_That's just the way things work._

Most of the time, she didn't care. Or pretended not to. She really, true fully did. But, it was so much easier to ignore them and imagine a perfect world existing in only her mind. If she did this, maybe she wouldn't have to be talked about, or laughed about. Because she didn't quite understand how everyone heard her, but no one really listened. Not that she minded. The people who she thought listened ended up leaving anyway.

_That's just the way things work._

Most of the time, she couldn't determine the difference between need and want. All she knew is she wanted to be needed, and needed to be wanted. She wanted Tess because she knew Tess needed her. She could tell by the broken eyes, and hollow laughs. Tess needed someone to clean up her messes, or glue the pieces back together when she broke. But after a while, she ran out of glue and realized she was just as broken as Tess. With Mitchie it was different. She needed Mitchie because she knew Mitchie wanted her. She could tell by the insecure smile and nervous laugh. Mitchie wanted someone to help her, and show her the way. But after a while, she ran out of places to go on her map and realized she was just as lost as Mitchie. In the end, it both ended the same way. She was still broken and lost.

_That's just the way things work._

Most of the time, she didn't show emotion. She always had a glazed look in her eyes, and people always teased her about what she was thinking. Truth is she wasn't. She just can't do emotion. Crying was weakness, and she doesn't do weak. Anger was a curse, and only led to destruction. Guilt was pain, and she didn't dwell on things enough to feel guilty. She hadn't cried since her mother told her prince charming didn't exist, hadn't been angry since she found that there is no such thing as 'happily-ever-after', and hadn't been guilty since she broke Tess and lost Mitchie. But she always liked happiness. She was happy when she watched the sunset, and when she watched the leaves change in autumn, and sometimes when she strolled through the grave yard near her house and just watched the flowers grow, showing sometimes death brings new life.

_That's just the way things work._

Most of the time, she didn't think. After all, nothing had really mattered in a long, long time. So, she preferred just to sit and watch the world pass by, without the slightest bit of worry. After all, it all ends the same way. She knew one day she would die, and then none of it would matter. She prefers not to worry about the 'ifs'. It's much easier that way. So when she hears her mother collapse into sobs and screams in the hallway as she regurgitates, she just closes her eyes tight and pretends it's not happening. When she hears Mitchie moan downing another one after yet another heartbreak, she just walks the other direction. When she hears Tess plead and beg, she just sings to herself. After all, it's not her burden to bear. She warned them and they didn't listen.

_That's just the way things work._

They still don't notice her, much. When people ask where she is going, she shrugs and let her feet take her where they want. When people ask why she has that strange look on her face, she ignores them. When people tell her she's crazy, she simply nods. It's so much easier this way. Grin and bear. And she knows most of the time, things just work out.

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Well wasn't that random, confusing, and slightly strange. Good news! My lap top is back! Bad news! My mum took it away for lent!

So, I am updating secretly from my brother's computer. Shhhh…don't tell! I kind of just made this up, and Caitlyn seems a little OOC (I just realized that meant out of character, clever right?), but I just wanted her to be deeper than she truly seems. I don't, I felt like I needed to prove I'm still alive. Kind of suckish, but I didn't know what to write. Stupid writers block.

Anyway, I've been sick, and feel terrible, so review? Yes? Constructive criticism welcome. Reviews make me feel better!


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